One Last Cry :: Part Two .:. Still In LoveOne Last Cry: Part Two -- Still In Love
Still in my car, I looked at the clock on the stereo. The blue lights read 2:57am. I had been driving for four hours and still hadn’t reached my destination. Actually, I didn’t really know what my destination was. I was driving mindlessly, turning down a road here, making a U-turn there, taking this freeway anywhere. I didn’t really have any other place to go, since my parents lived in Arizona, and I wasn’t in the particular mood to drive 16 hours in the desert. I could have gone to my best friend Allison’s apartment, but unfortunately she was in Europe on some sort of missionary trip. Great, just great. I’ve got a quarter tank of gas left, and I’m on some freeway. Maybe I should’ve paid more attention to the road signs.
I followed the freeway, made some more turns, and I myself was shocked to find myself driving down the street that led to our house. I guess I was just so used to following that route that I subconsciously drove “home”. I was just about to make a sharp U-turn when my curiosity got the best of me. I decided to quickly drive past the house and see if he was home. Not that I cared or anything, but just to make sure he got home safe.
I slowly drove by, looking out the corner of my eye to see if his midnight blue Benz was in the driveway and sure enough, it was there. But then he was there too. Sitting on the back bumper of his car, with his head in his hands. In the dim lighting of the driveway lights, I could see the shimmer of my necklace. I stepped on the brake pedal, and the car came to an abrupt stop. His head shot up at the sound of screeching tires. Dammit! Why’d I have to go and do that? Why should I care anyways? He was hurt that I left him, and that’s how it should be. But then again…--NO. He hurt me far worse. He quickly got up from the bumper, and was now jogging towards me. WHY AM I STILL HERE?! I stepped on the gas pedal, and the car stalled. Obviously it would stall, because you need to step on the clutch before moving forward, but of course since he was coming towards me, fate or God, or whomever controls this crap would have it so that MY CAR WOULD STALL.
I slammed my head back on the headrest and in a matter of seconds, he was standing outside the passenger side window. He lightly tapped the window, trying to get my attention, which he already had along with other things. At that moment, all I wanted to do was give him the finger and speed off, never needing to deal with him ever again, but something held me back. As much as I hated to admit it, he still had a power over me. A power that I just couldn’t resist. Once again, he tapped the window. I slowly turned my head to face him. The sight of him broke my heart. He had a weak smile on his face, but even in the dark, I could see his tear stained cheeks. He gestured for me to unlock the door, instead, I rolled the window down an inch. This was it. The end of the road. I wasn’t going to let him do this to me anymore.
“Did you go for a drive or somethin’?” his voice shaking a bit.
I chose to ignore his question. “How was The Spot Justin? Hmm?” I asked calmly, looking at him inquisitively.
His face immediately went pale, and his eyes said it all. I didn’t wait for a response. Chuckling bitterly, I shook my head, “Bye Justin. Oh, by the way, give Jasmine my regards.” I rolled the window back up, and drove away. I could still see him in the rear-view mirror. I could hear him yelling out curses and kicking over the garbage cans, then he disappeared behind the gate.
I let out a sigh of relief. That’s it, it was over. Now all he had to do was deal with the press. But he’s good at bullshitting, so that really wasn’t my problem. With a clear conscience, I drove across the city and checked into the Four Seasons. This would only be temporary though, that is until I get a hold of my parents, or until my credit card maxes out.
__
I had been staying in this hotel room for about 4 weeks now. I got a hold of my mom, and told her that we had broken up. I didn’t go into much detail; there was time for that. I even called Allison in Europe. She offered to come back, but I told her I would be fine, and being the Allison she is, she told me where the spare key to her apartment was, and that I was welcome to stay at her place. I didn’t want to be a mooch, so I told her I would only take her up on her offer if they told me I couldn’t stay at the hotel anymore.
I haven’t heard much from Justin lately, mainly because I chose to refrain from all contact to anything that had to with “Hollywood”. He had tried to call me at work, but I ignored the calls; making co-workers answer the phone for me, telling him that I was out for lunch, or busy with a customer. Which wasn’t much of a lie. I work at Gucci on Rodeo Drive so the customers are always in and out. According to Jennifer Lopez, a regular at Gucci, our “split” was all over the news, she even thanked me for it because we took the spotlight off her and Ben. Hey, anything to help a friend out—sure.
Once again, curiosity got the best of me, and this morning I went out and bought every magazine issue that had anything to do with Justin and I. So here I am, sitting on my bed, surrounded by every single magazine from “Star” to “USA Today”. Even “Bop!” had an article about us.
I started with People Magazine. The headline read, “Timberlake and Harper Call It Quits”, how original; as if that hasn’t been said before. I threw that one aside. If I was going to read an article about myself, it might as well be a good one.
I picked up Star Magazine, and this one caught more of my attention. It had pictures of Justin and “the brunette” plastered all over the front of it. It’s headline made me laugh, it read, “Timberlake caught cheating in the game of love; No candy store ending”. It was true, yet funny. Inside the magazine were pictures of our ‘confrontation’ that night, which I had no idea was being photographed, pictures of me checking into Four Seasons, pictures of him with “the brunette” going into the club, oh and my favorite, a picture of them making out in the booth. I put this magazine to the side. It was definitely scrapbook-worthy. You know, a little somethin’ somethin’ that I could show my kids in the future.
I can see it now. I’ll be sitting on the couch with my kids in my lap, in our little two-bedroom house, and my 7 year old will ask to see “Mommy’s Scrapbook of her past with Justin Timberlake”. I’ll be flipping through the pages, and I’ll stop on the last page and I’ll turn to little Bobby Joe and say, “This man would’ve been your daddy, but he decided that mommy wasn’t good enough, so he had to go and rub on all them little hoochies in the club”—Ok, maybe I won’t be so blunt with my children, but they’ll need to know sooner or later.
I got up off the bed, and gathered together all the magazines, until I came upon Teen People. He was on the cover. The picture was in black and white, but I could tell that he looked completely drained. Underneath the introduction message about him there was a quote, “She’s still the only one in my heart, and always will be”. I frantically flipped through the magazine looking for the article. Finally, I found it.
Sorry ladies, Justin Timberlake may be single now, but he hasn’t put himself on the market – just yet. Since the reported public break-up, Justin says that he has done nothing but think of Jeannie Harper. “She was my world, and she still is. I was a jerk, although I’m not going to say exactly what happened, (although everyone seems to already have a clue), I hope that we still have a chance [long pause] She’s still the only one in my heart, and always will be”.
My vision became blurry as tears began to well up in my eyes. He really was a broken man. Maybe he didn’t deserve to be treated this way. Maybe it was all a mistake. My God I miss him—but I can’t. I’m not supposed to. Why’d he have to go and be all open like that? I shook the thoughts from my head, wiped my eyes and continued reading.
The pair was often seen at award shows, and were even rumoured to be engaged, I asked Justin if he could elaborate a little more. “A lot of stuff happened, and it was probably my fault, and I guess well, she, uh, um…she left…” At this point in the interview, I decided that this was a touchy subject for him, so we talked about his new single and video, a topic he seemed more at ease with.
“Rock your body is a hot track. I definitely had fun recording it. It has that disco/rock/R&B vibe to it, and I think it’ll be a pimpin’ club hit.”
“What about the video? I hear it’s got a lot of cinematography going into it, can you tell us a little about the concept of it?”
“The video is basically in a huge box of lights. I think there are something like nine thousand light bulbs that all light up to different beats in the song. It’s really crazy. It’s a box of lights, me, me and my dancers, and one part during the bridge where me and a good friend, Stacey, do a little dancin’. It’s hot, that’s all I can say, it’s hot.”
Stacey…Stacey…that named sounded so familiar. If only I could put a name to a face. Stacey…Justin’s friend Stacey, wait a minute…she’s a brunette, kind of short…every guy’s dream. It’s her! I shuffled through the stack of magazines until I found the Star Magazine and studied the pictures closely. It was her. He was with Stacey that night. I should’ve known. Of course he’d choose her over me. I shoved the magazine back in the bag, and lay back on the bed. Thoughts of Justin kept running through my mind like a broken record. I started drifting off to sleep when there was a knock at the door followed by someone yelling “Room Service!”. Room service? I didn’t order room service…did I? I am kind of hungry, maybe I did. I slowly dragged myself out of bed and lazily walked towards the door.
I opened the door saying, “I didn’t order any room ser—“ I was stopped short. My breath caught in my throat when I saw him. There, standing in my doorway was Justin, dressed in dark jeans, a grey hoodie and his annoyingly ugly blue knitted cap, that he knew I hated but secretly loved.
He eyes shifted from the floor and me. “Hey Jeannie,”
I rolled my eyes and tried to close the door in his face, but he managed to put his foot in the way. I sighed loudly and closed my eyes wishing that he would make things easier by simply leaving. “Justin, you shouldn’t be here…” I whispered.
“Jeannie don’t do this to us…you didn’t even give me a chance to explain and apologize”
I rolled my eyes and laughed bitterly, before trying once again to close the door, but this time, he forcefully pushed it open and let himself into my room. “What the hell are you doing? I thought I asked you to leave!”
“I’m not leaving until you give me a chance”
Ohh, he had nerve…“A chance Justin? You want me to give you a chance?! Do you know how many chances I’ve given you? 6 months ago, there were the pictures in the tabloid, 5 months ago there were the phone calls from anonymous women. Since then there have been numerous rumours that you’ve been cheating on me. A month ago, you got a message on your 2-way from a girl named Jasmine, I still remember that message, would you like me to recite it for you?”
I waited for a response, but he sat on the edge of my bed, motionless with his head down, so I continued, “Oh, and we can’t forget that episode of Wild On that shattered my heart, never mind my self esteem. Do you know how many hours of sleep I lost asking myself what was wrong with me as to why you needed another woman?” I could barely get the words out because my tears just wouldn’t stop flowing. “Since then I’ve cried myself to sleep almost every night. Since then, you never knew about my pain. That night when I left you, I told myself that I had shed the last tear I would ever have to cry for you, and now look at me. When you made that promise to me, is this how you intended things to be?! All the excuses, all the lies, did you think I wouldn’t find out Justin? Huh? WHAT?! TELL ME JUSTIN, WAS THIS WHAT YOU INTENDED?!” I glanced over at the mirror on the dresser and saw that my face was stained with lines of mascara running down my cheeks.
“Baby, come on…”
“Don’t ‘baby come on’ me” I snapped.
He sighed before continuing, “Jeannie, I’m not going to deny the things I know I did, I’m sorry. I’m sorry for the lies, I’m sorry for everything. I need you. I was stupid for doing the things I did, I don’t know what got into me, but what I do know is that I can’t live without you. I can’t sleep without you beside me, baby please, I’m begging you here. What else do you want from me?”
I gave him a disbelieving glare. What did he expect from me? Just because he used big words like ‘begging’, and phrases like “I’m sorry for everything”, “I need you” and “I can’t sleep without you” he expects me to jump into his arms and forget everything? He was getting on my last damn nerves. I walked towards the door and opened it. “You know what Justin, you should of thought about all that before you decided to sleep around, now if you don’t mind leaving, I’d like to get some sleep”
I stood there still pointing my finger out the door, and he still sat in the same spot. There was a silence. An awkward silence, neither of us wanting to say anymore. Then he broke the silence. Just above a whisper, he said, “You know, since that night, I’ve been wearing your necklace around my neck…”
That phrase…that phrase just broke my heart all over again, but in a good way…if that’s possible. Why couldn’t he just keep his mouth shut and leave? Now he had to go and say things like that. “Justin please stop, you’re making this harder than it has to be…”
He got up and made his way towards me. In matter of seconds, we were mere centimetres apart. I kept my eyes glued to the floor knowing that if I looked up to meet his eyes, I would get completely lost in his baby blues. He lifted my chin lightly with his thumb and forefinger, forcing me to look at him. “Justin…please…”
“Shhh….” He gently wiped away the mascara stains on my cheeks, before resting his hands on either sides of my face. He leaned down and lightly brushed his lips against mine. “I love you Jeannie, I’m so sorry…” I couldn’t say anything back before he touched his lips to mine in a slow sensual kiss, which had caused me to let go of the door. The last thing I heard was the click of the door locking. Next thing I knew, he had me pressed up against the wall, with his hands under my shirt, trying to get it over my head.
__
I woke up the next morning a little confused as to what had happened. I shifted in my bed a bit, and saw Justin, shirtless, lying on his stomach beside me. Shit. I let him do it again. I can’t believe I caved again. I mean, it’s not like I tried to stop him but what does this mean? He stirred a little and I whipped my head around to see if he had woken up, but he was still sleeping peacefully, with a smile playing across his lips. On any other morning, a smile like that would make me want to get back under the covers and snuggle up to him, but given the circumstances, I wondered who he was actually dreaming about.
I laid back in the bed, and watched him sleep for a bit. I looked over his features carefully. He looked a lot different now, a lot rougher than he looked a month ago. He had opted to grow a goatee, and his hair, well, he had no hair, I mean he had a shaved buzz cut that had a line razored at an angle on the left side. My gaze travelled down to his neck, where he wore my necklace, and sure enough, there was my ring. He changed, hopefully for the better to my benefit. My thoughts were interrupted by him wrapping his arms around my waist.
“Morning beautiful.” He said, sounding still a little sleepy. He quickly kissed my shoulder, before closing his eyes and trying to go back to sleep. I couldn’t help but smile. Small gestures like this was all I ever needed. At that moment, I was really confused. Mixed emotions were running through my mind. I couldn’t just keep these thoughts to myself, so I figure, there’s no better time than the present.
“Justin…Justin wake up…oh come on, you can’t fall asleep that fast” I nudged him a bit and his smile got bigger. I couldn’t help but smile. What can I say, the boy’s contagious.
“Justin, get up, we need to talk…” he didn’t say anything; instead, he rolled on top of me and began kissing my neck.
“Justin! This is—stop it! Come on J!”
He stopped kissing me, but it was just so he could say, “Make out first, talk later”, and resumed once again.
Well, I technically had his attention, so I decided on talking anyway. “Justin, what happens next?”
“Baby, I think we’ve done this enough times to know what happens next” he said with a devilish grin.
Typical answer, I can’t say I was expecting him to give me a serious answer. “Not that, you know what I’m talking about. I absolutely hated you eight hours ago, and now, well, now look where we are. Is this how it’s always gonna be?”
I guess that remark hit home, because he slowly rolled off of me. He propped his head up with his elbow, to pay more attention to what I was really trying to say.
“J, I love you, I think I always did, no matter how much you hurt me, I still loved you. Even now, I’m still in love with you. But how do I know that I’m the only woman in your life? How do I know that if I take you back, that a month from now, it won’t start all over again? Tell me how I can trust you again.”
He intertwined his fingers in mine, and looked into my eyes, “Jeannie, I promise, and may God strike me down this very moment if this is a lie, I promise that you are the only woman I will ever look at, touch, and ever be with, from this moment, till the day I die. I love you, and I will keep saying that I love you until you feel that it really is true, and even then I won’t stop. When I look into your eyes, I see my future. I see everything I’ve ever wanted in your eyes. And if that isn’t enough,” he let go of my hand, and unclasped the necklace from around his neck, and slid the ring off of it. “Will it be enough if I give you back this ring--”
I didn’t wait for him to finish his sentence, I just told him what I’d been wanting to tell him the past month, “Yes!”
“Wait, you didn’t let me finish…” I gave him a confused look, and in turn, he gave me a boyish grin, “let me start over, ahem, will it be enough if I give you back this ring, but this time, put it back on your left hand?” I gasped; did he just say what I think he said? “Jeannie Nicole Harper, will you marry me?”
I sat there with my mouth hanging open. I couldn’t say anything, I had waited an entire year for him to say those four small words, and finally when he does say it, I have nothing to say. My eyes began to well up with tears, and all I could say was “yeah” but it was so quiet, even I couldn’t hear myself say it, but he heard, because he was already slipping the ring on my left ring finger. He kissed my hand, before leaning up and kissing my lips. He pulled away briefly to whisper “I love you” before wrapping his arms around me in a warm embrace.
It’s amazing how one man can have you crying for painful reasons one day, and loving reasons the next. We spent the rest of the day in my hotel room, not wanting to face the world just yet. Besides, we were far happier just laying under the covers, enjoying each other’s presence, talking about how many children we would have, what our children’s names were going to be, and which room in the house we would use for a nursery. I guess Bobby Joe wouldn’t need to know about his would-be father after all.
